It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
