Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
