So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
