I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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