Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
