i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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