apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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