her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
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I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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