she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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