You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
