Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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