I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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