Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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