: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
