just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
