Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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