New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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