toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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