he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
