I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
