apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
