3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
