Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
