you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize