i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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