Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
