I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
