my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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