omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
