hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
