Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
