I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
