I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
