the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
