There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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