are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
