I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
