i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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