You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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