Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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