One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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