Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
