i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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