so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
