So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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