but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so let's talk penis.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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