Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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