Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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