just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize