My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
