Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
