I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
