I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
