I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
