69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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