So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize