What a fucking waste of an outfit
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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