My Higher Power is John Stamos
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
