It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
