I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
