burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
