i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
