you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
