I didn't shave. On purpose
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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