saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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