the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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