meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
