My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think people are normalizing furries
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
