All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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